Nurse, my sides!

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S TRUE !!11!!1!

FOLKESTONE EARTHQUAKE APPEAL
A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and an earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Folkestone & Dover in the early hours of Saturday. Its epicentre was in Folkestone. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.
Invicta FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something
interesting had happened in Folkestone. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes come running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremey Kyle the next morning."
Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.
Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:
Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.
£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

***Breaking news***
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop. 'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked, "Aylesham" said the girl, "wossit gotta do wiv you?"

Please don't forward this to anyone living in Folkestone/ Dover - oh, sod it... they won't be able to read it anyway.

2007 :: Comment / reply

Mothers day update from The George in Rye

Mothers Day is nearly here. If you haven't sorted anything out yet, fear not: we're hosting a Mothering Sunday Lunch at The George in Rye.

Your mum will feel like royalty and you can all enjoy a lovely menu from our head chef Rod, full of the promises of spring. Here's the full menu, which might tempt you:

Starter
Roast butternut squash soup with herb crème fraiche
Beetroot and rocket salad with marinated feta cheese
Seared Rye Bay scallops with cauliflower purée & crispy capers
Nicola potato, carrot, apple & sweet herbs salad with mustard mayonnaise
Butterflied sardines stuffed with herbs & cumin & rocket salad

Main course
Roast forerib with Yorkshire pudding & Roast Vegetables
Roasted leg of Romney Marsh lamb with cauliflower dauphinoise
Char grilled monkfish with lemon mashed potato & Niçoise olive sauce
Cannelloni stuffed with wilted spinach and ricotta & fresh tomato sauce
Roasted Pork loin with warm Nicola Potato salad & apple sauce

Dessert
Homemade Seville orange ice cream
Chocolate & Apricot tart
Apple tart with crème fraiche
Rhubard & almond tart
Homemade Saffron ice cream
Cheese board

Sunday Lunch is only £25 per head, and if you reply to this email, we'll include a glass of Sparkling English Wine for your mum, for free.

If you're on the lookout for an unusual present for your mum as well, pop into our main reception where we sell hand-knitted lavender heart pillows (pictured), and beautiful Fig-scented room oils from Dr Vranjes.

Best Wishes

Alex and Katie Clarke

The George in Rye
http://www.thegeorgeinrye.com

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©The George in Rye 98 High Street Rye East Sussex TN31 7JT T 01797 222114 F 01797 224065 E stay@thegeorgeinrye.com

2008 :: Comment / reply